Dress Up Draft Doldrums

Another NFL draft has -- mercifully -- come to an end. As expected, Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford was sentenced to six years with the Detroit Lions, a team that finished 0-16 in 2008. Fortunately, for Stafford he will be paid $78 million dollars for his time and emotional distress. Members of his family will reportedly be allowed to visit him on weekends and he will be allowed one conjugal visit per month.

Ah, there is nothing quite like the NFL draft. Diehard fans from across the country attend the event in person or watch it on television, eagerly waiting to see the newest addition to their favorite team. Watching the draft is on a par with sitting through a 17 hour Joanie Loves Chachi marathon.

Unlike the NBA draft, which is a slam-bam two-hour event, the NFL draft is two unbearable days beginning with the first round, when teams are given 10 minutes to make their selection, even the team with the first pick.

The teams have the entire off-season to make their choice, so doesn’t it seem a waste of time that the #1 selection is made only after the entire 10 minutes are up? After the first pick is out of the way, 31 other teams use their entire 10 minutes as well, making the first round drag on, and on, and on, sometimes for up to four hours. 

Of course, fans are led to believe that in the “war rooms,” there is a whirlwind of action where team officials huddle up to make important decisions like last-second calls about possible trades. But while all this “action” is taking place, fans are left to sit and wait, knowing nothing about what is actually gong on.

The second day of the draft is when things reach the bottom of the barrel as the final four rounds are completed. I means who the hell cares at this point. Thank God, teams are no longer given 10 minutes to make their selection, but that’s because by this time the talent is so depleted that picking a player is really a crapshoot anyway. 

Other factors of the NFL Draft that are just as if not more annoying is how suspense is totally diffused by the No. 1 pick being signed before Draft Day, players in attendance behind the stage, mock drafts and Mel Kiper.

Last March NFL owners agreed to make changes to the NFL draft adopting a few new rules, but more changes will need to be made to fix a broken system. Here are a few of my own.

Start the draft at 10 a.m. That way, in the event that the first few picks are still predictable, people are waking up for the surprises and, by the time nobody cares anymore, they still have the afternoon to kill.

Next, have the prospective draft picks sit in the front rows, like they do in award shows. Don't hide them from the world. Then, have a host. Someone like, Howard Stern, Tom Green, or Jerry Springer to announce the draft picks.

Finally, I did find one thing interesting about the draft. The interviews with some of the functionally illiterate students that somehow managed to snag scholarships to prestigious institutions of so-called higher learning.